I'm not like most people. I judge the book and the cover separately

Here are some Funny Facebook Status for the users. One can use the Funny Status on their Facebook, Google Plus, Twitter or any other social media sites as their status update:

• People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
• I'm not like most people. I judge the book and the cover separately.
• My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it's going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
• It`s all a lie... the "Made in China" stickers are actually made in Mexico. O_O
• A burp is just a fart that took the elevator
• I tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It`s still alive, but its hair looks FABULOOOOUS!
• That embarrasing moment when when you realize that person wasn`t waving at you.
• "I wasnt that Drunk". Dude, you stared at a box of juice because it said: Concentrated.
• What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.
• I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
• Apparently the sub-woofer I hooked up in my office earlier this morning is NOT “appropriate for a work environment”…but I was playing Christmas carols so I am claiming religious persecution.
• waiting alone in the car; Everyone outside automatically becomes a rapist...
• Hi, I`m your bed… and we`ve slept together ;)
• Bees are a good example of Karma; once they sting someone… they die
• Paper cuts: So small… but so evil
• The awkward moment when someone`s zipper is down & you don`t know whether to tell, because you can`t explain why you were looking that low
• Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", think of another song you like and hum that instead.
• I had a talk with my friend about the past, the present and the future.. it was tense
• Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.