Killing time murders opportunities

Here are some Funny Facebook Status for the users. One can use the Funny Status on their Facebook, Google Plus, Twitter or any other social media sites as their status update:

• Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
• I was chatting to my mate when he called me racist. "I'm not racist!" I cried. "Tell me one race you like." he said. "Erm... 100 meters?"
• Dear Warner Bros: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
• If flatulence is a normal part of pregancy, why did they toss me out of my wife's lamaze class?
• That awkward moment when you realize that someone’s right while you’re proving they’re wrong.
• I haven`t seen a spider around the house in days.. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY PLANNING?
• When I have kids, I`ll make them watch 2012 movie and tell them I survived that..
• That awkward moment when your parents try to gangster talk to you.
• If I had to guess where everything went wrong, I'd have to say it was the day I learned "elemenopee" wasn't one awesome letter
• Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
• That awkward moment when you`re trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water is running
• Cell phones should have the option to change "airplane mode" to "drunk mode" that way my drunk texts never leave my phone...
• "But mom what if i get kidnapped?" "Trust me, they`d bring you back."
• ``Can i see your phone?`` ``One second, *delete *delete *delete , here you go.`
• Hey haters, I found your nose. It was in my business again.
• You know you`re stoned when you look at your dog and ask "did you say something?"
• If the NBA season is cancelled, then LeBron James will have to travel somewhere to choke in June
• Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
• Apparently, X-Factor winners Little Mix are the new Spice Girls; Posh Mix, Baby Mix, Scary Mix and Pick'n'Mix
• Killing time murders opportunities.